Getting it Right

I'm currently going through a 'driven' phase with my artwork.   It's rare that I get so badly addicted. It's rather like when I'm reading a good book that I can't put down, so that every spare moment I get is devoted to reading, only on this occasion its artwork.  Our kitchen has now been taken over by painting paraphernalia so that I can paint for 10 minutes in the middle of preparing a meal, or whenever, it's got that bad.

It all started when I decided to just mess about and have a go at producing some decorative papers.  It helps that I have a really inspirational book devoted to the subject, which gave a starting point, but it was an excuse really to play with paint and different media, purely for the love of it.  From there I moved on to decorating or painting an old book I had.  I've long been a fan of artists books or journals, and of altered art in general, but have never really successfully got to grips with them myself.  But this book has now become my 'trying out new ideas for the fun of it' book, sort of like a sketchbook, but also something of a sampler, for different techniques as well as ideas.  Because it is just somewhere to try out ideas and have fun, I'm not getting too hung up about it, and am letting myself go a bit more.  It doesn't matter if it's not very good, because it's the learning that counts.  This is something of a release for me, in spite of the fact that I have always instinctively believed that there is no right or wrong in art, and that it is mine so I can do what I like with it (somewhat self indulgent, but then I think a lot of art is fundamentally self-indulgent by its nature).

However, doing what you want can require strength of character, particularly if you have the kind of personality that seeks approval all the time, and especially if what you want to do is not especially 'fashionable' or is different to what others are doing.  Again, personally I think that different is good, in fact I often feel that if what I produce isn't different, then it's not good enough because it should be, but it wasn't something that my formal art training really encouraged, where instead we were under some pressure to work in whatever style of art was in vogue at the time.  I also suffer from feelings of guilt when I am doing something that is purely (from my own point of view) for enjoyment - where does that come from?

All this is I find very inhibiting - that internal dialogue about what I should be doing -  so anything which allows me to put that to one side feels like a huge release.  Maybe I'll develop some of the ideas a little further at some stage, maybe I won't - it doesn't really matter, but at the moment I'm very happy to be experimenting, learning and having fun.  Hopefully, I'll be able to share some of it in due course - if I can prise myself away from creating long enough to take photos.